I’m not okay with us being broken up I am not okay at all. I’ve had such a crappy day and to make it worst I had to read some blog that put it in my mind that he is seeing someone else… So no I’m not okay I’m not okay at all
i went out last night got 20 compliments from guys and 2 girls they were all “i like your hat” i don’t know what it is about my fox hat but apparently quoting my status on fb my fox hat brings all the boys to the yard. Can someone explain why i get hit on because of my fox hat please?
Today has been stressful. I’m not doing well because of how much stress I’m in. My ex owes me money that i need for rent. My aunt isn’t doing well, I’ve been working late which is good but i’m just exhausted. I hurt my knee yesterday at yoga.
But after all this week i decided to go to a united prayer that a friend invited me to go with her roommates. i am not in the greatest shape right now so it really helped and even though i’m not religious i think it really helped when my friend’s roommate prayed for me and my aunt, because idk i just need some support right now and telling me it’s okay to be overwhelmed, and to get over fear of emotions is just what i needed to hear. So many people in the last week have given me so much support but i guess i just always bottle up my emotions and try to go through with everything, even working late. So i ended up bawling and i guess a good cry and a big hug and knowing people that have meet you twice will even be there for you during your hardest times.
And with my ex i guess instead of acting so angry i should actually let myself be sad that i am losing someone that i care and love and also look for the future. I will still have those times where i wish he was there, but i’ll be fine, and soon i’ll be great again.
I love you & you have every right to be self-centered right now. You’ve spent so long doing things for others & not putting yourself first. You deserve some time to shine! Things WILL get better. You’re more than strong enough to get through this.
self centered right now, like me me me and i wish i wasn’t but i can’t help it.
I’m still angry, upset, confused, hurt, and i realized i’m not allowing myself to actually take care of my emotions. In high school pills took care of my emotions and trust me i thought of calling up a few old friends for that. But now not really wanting to forget my bad times i’m trying to deal with it. I guess I’m trying to rush it. Get rid of everything that reminds me of him and take care of the money issue. And i will be good right? Go to bars look for the yuppies, mess around with them. Yeah all that’s crossed my mind. Send angry hate mail just to hurt him saying this relationship was a total waste of my time and he is the biggest asshole of all time. Yeah i thought about that too. Trying to make it seem like I’m perfectly okay with my life even though i’m completely smashed inside. Trying to work harder at work just to forget it’s even happened. You know how it goes.
But the one thing I have over him is my friends. All of them are amazing and take the time out just to talk even just for an hour just to make sure I’m okay and to let me know they’re here for me. I can’t really ask for anything more than that. It’s amazing really. I love everyone of them even the one’s i don’t get to talk to often because of how much I move. And the support and guidance they’ve just all jumped on it. He doesn’t have many friends because he chooses not too. I choose to have lots of friends because I know in times like this they will help me like they are doing. And all that stuff above that I thought about doing is a waste of my time and energy, and I’m glad I got that advice.
Yes D-U-M-P-E-D from a guy who i thought was going to be there forever. I’m not in the mood to physically talk about it right now. I think i’d break down and cry, but i’m fine talking about it on here.
For those who care. He said he felt obligated to be in a relationship with me. He didn’t see our careers working out together and he wants me to follow my own path. I do hope him well but in spite of being all driven by emotion right now all i have to say is BULL SHIT. if you love someone so much you will try to make it work out, if you care about someone you wouldn’t be having this problem. I told him i wouldn’t be able to talk to him. It’s because i still do love him but i’ll respect his wishes. I can’t talk to someone and not have in the back of my mind a glimpse of hope.
So thus said i am dumped breaking down and crying in the bathroom at work. I know i’m never going to get back together with him even though he is the first love and possibly my only love. I just hope he is sure about this and won’t regret it in the future. I know i’ll probably find someone but for now i am single.